Dedicated to my Wife & Angel, with whom I have lived an Ephemeral Dream.
What follows is a tale crept up from Canada’s darkest corners,
Of how one of the brightest Lights on Earth, was made a homeless mourner.
It started long ago, since all Karmas run back generations,
Perhaps I did the worst of all, so here's my explanation.Before we start, please hear me through, I've saved worst for the last,
But first we'll travel through history, the outside causes, fast.
I won't defer, I am owed blame, I've erred, and erred vast,
But for full truth, balance, & harmony’s dawn, we’ll touch ghosts of Christmas past.I wielded powerful magic, before wielding powerfully, mind.
Yielding still, fruits abundant, but leaving my soul behind.
The problem with shortcuts, is that you'll usually pay,
Unless learned master of arcane arts, in peak performance, that day.There's a time in all games for both Position & Tactics,
For both The Light & The Dark sides, which must be kept in balance.
I learned the hard way, the prime importance of right & just phase,
Manifesting in my life, as either too much "love" or "rage".My passion is freedom, since that was how I was raised.
Son of a Freedom Fighter, a whole family whose faith was woefully betrayed.
Until I walked into a church one day, or rather, a cafe,
And saw first light, community, and the "Sharewear" stage.Unlike most others, we at least tried not just to take;
We worked dishwashers, scrubbed fridges, and made Yorkshires baked.
For the first time, both of us had a real, happy, stable, whole family.
Until Covid intervened, and wrought first & only peace to full calamity.My grandmother was in a "cult", the JW's "Unseen",
Who left her cold, alone, and homeless, in winter, at the age of just sixteen.
Thereafter, my forebearers never did willing go to church once more,
Until my father was enticed, just once, by Jack's FREE! lunch store.Her mother’s the most supportive paragon of love, transcendent.
But sadly was orphaned young, and became quite codependent.
She dealt her discipline verbal: Writhing emotional lament.
Which, once learned from her mother, came at me, with honed talent.My father is a carpenter, and master self-trained engineer,
Who's built countless cars, houses, a plane, stereos, record-players, and beer.
But if you've ever heard him tinker, you'd know to cover your ears,
And dodge the wrenches, screaming, curses, nuts, bolts, trauma & fear.But this poem is about me isn't it? My problem’s not you, Dad, its me,
As all within my reach, as an adult, should be my sole responsibility.
I never learned acceptance, unless I'm perfect, I seethe.
That's why I'm so good, and so bad, and so bereaved.This poem is about me: What went wrong; The cause; The plea:
I was neighbourhood's terror at times, worsened by Aspergers, Drugs, PTSD.
When I was younger, if I erred, sometimes I'd beat myself bloody.
Or bite myself, bang head on wall, or smash them, later to be puddied.As time went on, my skill increased, often the best of all my peers,
And I forgot how failure felt, 'til Covid's darkness had reeled.
Then once again, I raged & screamed, throwing Autistic fits,
A self-fulfilling rage & sorrow, of ignorant bliss, turned grit.This isn't a story told for stars, nor sympathy, nor pity,
Rather, a stark warning, of how insidious ignorant bliss, quickly turns gritty.
No matter how strong you are, your own shadow's still equal.
If you let it run wild, your inner demons will eat you.My love, I'm sorry for all those times with you, I raged, threw & hit.
I've always done my best, but when stressed, I can be cruel as shit.
I'll still live by my own values, a shaman of art & song,
But henceforth I'll learn to treat you as the Angel, that you were all along.There's chains of consequences, shackling both thoughts & actions.
Run wild, meaning sin, and you risk being battered & flattened.
But as a self-trained arcane wizard, I have something up my sleeve,
Called conjugation; Time reversal; or Transient Negative Entropy.Just as shuttles slingshot round the Moon, in transit, gaining speed,
That's what I'll now do, a transient gain, with more grace, mindful & freed.
I'm not too sure what all did change, an alchemy yet unknown.
But I feel the light resounding again, beckoning me back home.We're all connected, hearts & souls, especially parents to their childs,
Mistakes learned from parents are repressed, then amplified, and futures are soiled.
You've got just one chance to get it right, if you're lucky, perhaps a few.
I wish I'd found God much, much earlier. If only I knew.I’ve made the switch, the Lord of Sith, I’m trying here to change,
Perhaps to better apply the nigh-endless science knowledge I’ve gained.
Yet everyone still has things to learn from each solitary other,
Never think that you’re so good, or so bad, that you shouldn’t even bother.~ Vader's Redemption, by Baron "Luminifer" Arcanus.